Comedic Monologues for Ladies
Discovering nice comedic monologues for girls may be fairly powerful. The right monologue could make or break your audition. In the event you’re entering into to audition for a comedy position, it’s essential that you just select a monologue that may intensify your expertise for comedy.
Deciding on a monologue isn’t simple, nevertheless it’s typical for performers to seek out that one monologue resonates with them over one other. Spend a while earlier than your audition studying via monologues, working towards those you’ve narrowed down, and selecting one which works at each your expertise and luxury stage.
In the event you can’t appear to seek out the right monologue, we’ve put collectively an inventory of our favorites. Take a second to learn via and see what stands out for you! Right here is our listing of comedic monologues for girls.
Dotty Otley from “Noises Off” – I Can’t Open the Sardines Can
“It’s no good you occurring. I can’t open sardines and reply the cellphone. I’ve solely bought one pair of ft. Good day…. Sure, however there’s nobody right here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not right here…He lives right here, sure, however he don’t stay right here now as a result of he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s proper…. The one who writes the performs, that’s him, solely now he writes them in Spain… No, she’s in Spain, too, they’re all in Spain, there’s nobody right here… Am I in Spain? No, I’m not in Spain, pricey. I take care of the home for him, however I am going house at one o’clock on Wednesday, solely I’ve bought a pleasant plate of sardines to place my ft up with, as a result of it’s the royal what’s-it’s known as on the telly — the royal you recognize — the place’s the paper, then? And if it’s to do with letting the home then you definitely’ll need to ring the house-agents, as a result of they’re the brokers for the home…. Squire Squire, Hackham and who’s the opposite one…? No, they’re not in Spain, they’re subsequent to the cellphone within the research. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and maintain on, I’ll go and look. All the time the identical, isn’t it. Quickly as you’re taking the burden off your ft, down all of it comes in your head.”
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Mrs. Armstrong from “The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever” – Give Everybody a Probability
“[Let me]inform you once more, Grace, how essential it’s to offer everybody an opportunity. Right here’s what I do — I at all times begin with Mary and inform them we should select our Mary fastidiously as a result of Mary was the mom of Jesus… Sure, after which I inform them about Joseph, that he was God’s option to be Jesus’ father. That’s how I clarify that. Frankly, I don’t ever spend a lot time on Joseph as a result of it’s at all times Elmer Hopkins, and he is aware of all about Mary and Joseph, however I do clarify in regards to the Smart Males and the shepherds and the way essential they’re. And I inform them, there are not any small components, solely small actors. Remind the angel choir to not stare on the viewers, and don’t allow them to put on earrings and issues like that. And don’t allow them to put on clunky footwear or excessive heels. I simply hope you don’t have too many child angels, Grace, as a result of they’ll be your greatest downside. You’ll need to get somebody to push the infant angels on, in any other case they get in one another’s means and bend their wings. Bob might do this, and he might regulate the shepherds too. Oh, one other factor in regards to the angel choir. Don’t allow them to put on lipstick. They assume as a result of it’s a play that they need to put on lipstick, and it seems horrible. So inform them…. And, Grace, don’t use simply anyone’s child for Jesus… get a quiet one. Higher but, get two if you happen to can… then if one seems to be fussy, you may at all times swap them.”
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Woman Mary from “The Admirable Crichton” – A Herd Close to Penguins Creek
“I sighted a herd close to Penguin’s Creek, however needed to creep spherical Silver Lake to get to windward of them. Nonetheless, they noticed me after which the enjoyable started. There was nothing for it however to attempt to run them down, so I singled out a fats buck and away we went down the shore of the lake, up the valley of rolling stones; he doubled into Brawling River and took to the water, however I swam after him; the river is just half a mile broad there, nevertheless it runs robust. He went spinning down the rapids, down I went in pursuit; he clambered ashore, I clambered ashore; away we tore helter-skelter up the hill and down once more. I misplaced him within the marshes, bought on his observe once more close to Bread Fruit Wooden, and introduced him down with an arrow in Firefly Grove.”
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Sally Brown from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – I Received a C
“A ‘C’? A ‘C’? I bought a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture? How might anybody get a ‘C’ in coathanger sculpture? Could I ask a query? Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? In that case, is it not true that point alone can decide a murals? Or was I judged on my expertise? In that case, is it truthful that I be judged on part of my life over which I’ve no management? If I used to be judged on my effort, then I used to be judged unfairly, for I attempted as onerous as I might! Was I judged on what I had realized about this venture? In that case, then weren’t you, my instructor, additionally being judged in your capability to transmit your information to me? Are you prepared to share my ‘C’? Maybe I used to be being judged on the standard of coathanger itself out of which my creation was made…now could be this not additionally unfair? Am I to be judged by the standard of coat hangers which are utilized by the drycleaning institution that returns our clothes? Is that not the accountability of my mother and father? Ought to they not share my ‘C’?”
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Lucy from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – What I Intend
“Have you learnt what I intend? I intend to be a queen. Once I develop up I’m going to be the largest queen there ever was, and I’ll stay in a giant palace and after I exit in my coach, all of the individuals will wave and I’ll shout at them, and…and…within the summertime I’ll go to my summer time palace and I’ll put on my crown in swimming and the whole lot, and all of the individuals will cheer and I’ll shout at them… What do you imply I can’t be queen? No person must be stored from being a queen if she desires to be one. It’s often only a matter of figuring out the fitting individuals.. ..effectively…. if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very wealthy then I’ll purchase myself a queendom. Sure, I’ll purchase myself a queendom after which I’ll kick out the outdated queen and take over the entire operation myself. I might be head queen.”
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Elaine Robinson from “The Graduate” – Nothing’s Excellent
“Nicely nothing’s good Benjamin. I want my mom didn’t drink a lot. I want I’d by no means fallen out of that tree and damaged my thumb as a result of it so impacts my fingering I’ll most likely by no means play the violin in addition to I’d like to however that’s about it for the bullshit, Benjamin. It’s solely bullshit if you happen to let it pile up. Heaven’s within the particulars. Somebody mentioned that. I feel Robert Frost mentioned that. I used to be on this diner with my roommate Diane? And this man got here together with a goat on a rope and it seems the explanation he’s bought a bit of goat on a rope is that he was thrown out the day earlier than for bringing in his canine? However the level is that Diane had stood as much as depart when she noticed the person stroll in and she or he sat straight down once more and mentioned, effectively if there’s a goat I feel I’ll have dessert. And that’s why I like Diane, as a result of if you happen to assume like that you just not solely discover extra little goats, you get extra dessert.”
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Janet from “The West Wing” – Pigeons
“I’m sorry, however an excellent HALF of the USA hates pigeons. One third shoots them for recreation. I’m not the one dangerous man right here. You’ll have voted for an elephant if it had advised you it might repair the financial system. Which, by the way in which, continues to be not mounted. A large goose egg. […] I’m sorry if I’m offending you, however I discover it greater than a bit of offensive that I simply walked my daughter previous a portrait of a pigeon within the Nationwide Artwork Gallery earlier than I got here right here.”
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Helena from “A Midsummer Night time’s Dream” – Out of Breath
“O, I’m out of breath on this fond chase!
The extra my prayer, the lesser is my grace.
Completely satisfied is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;
For she hath blessed and enticing eyes.
How got here her eyes so brilliant? Not with salt tears:
In that case, my eyes are oftener wash’d than hers.
No, no, I’m as ugly as a bear;
For beasts that meet me run away for worry:
Due to this fact no marvel although Demetrius
Do, as a monster fly my presence thus.
What depraved and dissembling glass of mine
Made me examine with Hermia’s sphery eyne?
However who’s right here? Lysander! on the bottom!
Lifeless? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.
Lysander if you happen to stay, good sir, awake”
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Kim from “Quite be a Man” – I’d Quite be a Man
“I don’t know what it’s with me currently however I simply get so UGH! when guys come as much as me, with their tacky strains, (imitating man) “Hey, you’ve such an attractive smile” or “Can I simply inform you that you’re so stunning”.Ugh!It disgusts me.I imply, who the hell does this man or that man assume he’s to offer me such compliments?What offers him the fitting?I don’t do something to offer off any form of curiosity in any respect, I utterly look the opposite means after I see eye contact taking place they usually STILL come over pondering they’re so suave and it’s merely repulsive. what I’m saying??What does a woman need to do nowadays?Perhaps if I simply vomited on myself the man would stroll the opposite means however I guess even then, I’d get, “The best way you vomit on your self is simply so, so pleasant.”…All I would like is to be left alone.I’ve a person, I like my man and I do my finest to be well mannered however the irritation and the tacky strains are attending to be an excessive amount of.Guys are blind, they are surely, OBLIVIOUS to when a woman is just not .There are days after I relatively be a person.”
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Rosalind from “As You Like It” – And Why, I Pray You
“And why, I pray you? Who may be your mom,That you just insult, exult, and suddenly,Over the wretched? What although you haven’t any magnificence,–As by my religion, I see no extra in youThan with out candle might go darkish to mattress,–Should you be due to this fact proud and pitiless?Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?I see no extra in you than within the ordinaryOf nature’s sale-work. Od’s my little life!I feel she means to tangle my eyes too.No, religion, proud mistress, hope not after it:‘Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream,That may entame my spirits to your worship.You silly shepherd, wherefore do you comply with her,Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?You’re a thousand instances a properer manThan she a girl: ‘tis such fools as youThat make the world stuffed with ill-favour’d youngsters:‘Tis not her glass, however you, that flatters her;And out of you she sees herself extra properThan any of her lineaments can present her.However, mistress, know your self: down in your knees,And thank heaven, fasting, for an excellent man’s love:For I have to inform you pleasant in your ear,Promote when you may; you aren’t for all markets.Cry the person mercy; love him; take his provide:Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you effectively.”
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Amanda Wingfield from “The Glass Menagerie” – That Outdated Trunk
“Possess your soul in endurance – you will note!One thing I’ve resurrected from that outdated trunk! Types haven’t modified so terribly a lot in any case.
[She parts the portières.]
Now simply have a look at your mom ![She wears a girlish frock of yellowed voile with a blue silk sash. She carries a bunch of jonquils – the legend of her youth is nearly revived.][Feverishly]: That is the gown through which I led the cotillion, gained the cakewalk twice at Sundown Hill, wore one spring to the Governor’s ball in Jackson ! See how I sashayed across the ballroom, Laura?[She raises her skirt and does a mincing step around the room.] I wore it on Sundays for my gents callers ! I had it on the day I met your father. I had malaria fever all that spring. The change of local weather from East Tennessee to the Delta – weakened resistance I had a bit of temperature on a regular basis – not sufficient to be critical – simply sufficient to make me stressed and giddy. Invites poured in – events all around the Delta! – ‘Keep in mattress,’ mentioned mom, ‘you’ve fever!’ – however I simply wouldn’t. – I took quinine however stored on going, going ! Evenings, dances ! – Afternoons, lengthy, lengthy rides! Picnics. – pretty! – So pretty, that nation in Could. – All lacy with dogwood, actually flooded with jonquils! – That was the spring I had the craze for jonquils. Jonquils turned an absolute obsession. Mom mentioned, ‘Honey, there’s no extra room for jonquils.’ And nonetheless I stored on bringing in additional jonquils. Each time, wherever I noticed them, I’d say, “Cease ! Cease! I see jonquils ! I made the younger males assist me collect the jonquils ! It was a joke, Amanda and her jonquils ! Lastly there have been no extra vases to carry them, each out there area was stuffed with jonquils. No vases to carry them? All proper, I’ll maintain them myself – After which I – [She stops in front of the picture.] met your father ! Malaria fever and jonquils after which – this – boy…. [She switches on the rose-coloured lamp.] I hope they get right here earlier than it begins to rain.”
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Unique Monologue by Joseph Arnone – Don’t Take a look at Me
“Don’t have a look at me.(factors) You.Eh, eh, eh…after I handle you, don’t have a look at me.No eye contact.Is that understood?Look away.(beat)Okay, have a look at me now.(snaps her fingers) I advised you not to have a look at me.Even when I inform you to have a look at me, don’t have a look at me. Understood?Good, good darling.(she removes her gloves and fingers them to her assistant)Oh!I’ve one thing in my eye, are you able to assist me?(pointing) Wanting, wanting, wanting!NO wanting beneath all circumstances.You need to elevate up that focus span of yours.A fish might retain extra darling.That’s true.I’ve learn it.Much less consideration span than a fish.Don’t let that be you darling.”
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Sarah Brown from “Guys and Dolls” – The Satan
“Brothers and sisters, resist the Satan and he’ll flee from you. That’s what the Bible tells us. And that’s the reason I’m standing right here, within the Satan’s personal metropolis, on the Satan’s personal avenue, ready to do battle with the forces of evil. Hear me, you gamblers! Along with your cube, your playing cards, your horses! Pause and assume earlier than it’s too late! You might be in nice hazard! I’m not talking of the jail and the gallows, however of the larger punishment that awaits you! Repent earlier than it’s too late!Simply across the nook is out little mission the place you’re at all times welcome to hunt refuge from this jungle of sin. Come right here and discuss to me. Don’t consider me as Sergeant Sarah Brown, however as Sarah Brown, your sister. Be part of me, Brothers and Sisters, in resisting the Satan, and we are able to put him to flight perpetually.”
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Eliza Dolittle from “My Truthful Woman” – My Aunt Died of Influenza “
My aunt died of influenza, in order that they mentioned. However it’s my perception they performed the outdated girl in. Sure Lord love you! Why ought to she die of influenza when she come via diphtheria proper sufficient the yr earlier than? Pretty blue with it she was. All of them thought she was useless. However my father, he stored ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon. Now, what would you name a girl with that power in her need to die of influenza, and what grow to be of her new straw hat that ought to have come to me? Any individual pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, performed her in. Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, not to mention a hat. And as for father ladling the gin down her throat, it wouldn’t have killed her. Not her. Gin was as mom’s milk to her. Moreover, he’s poured a lot down his personal throat that he knew the great of it.”
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Gwendolyn Fairfax from “The Significance of Being Earnest” – It’s Unusual
“Oh! It’s unusual he by no means talked about to me that he had a ward. How secretive of him! He grows extra attention-grabbing hourly. I’m not certain, nevertheless, that the information evokes me with emotions of unmixed delight. [Rising and going to her.] I’m very keen on you, Cecily; I’ve appreciated you ever since I met you! However I’m sure to state that now that I do know that you’re Mr. Worthing’s ward, I can’t assist expressing a want you have been—effectively, just a bit older than you appear to be—and never fairly so very alluring in look. Actually, if I could communicate candidly— […] Nicely, to talk with good candour, Cecily, I want that you just have been totally forty-two, and greater than often plain to your age. Ernest has a powerful upright nature. He’s the very soul of reality and honour. Disloyalty can be as inconceivable to him as deception. However even males of the noblest potential ethical character are extraordinarily vulnerable to the affect of the bodily charms of others. Trendy, at least Historic Historical past, provides us with many most painful examples of what I seek advice from. If it weren’t so, certainly, Historical past can be fairly unreadable.”
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Bachelorette by Leslye Headland – Regan’s Monologue ‘CAN I SAY SOMETHING?!’
Scene Three
Thirty minutes later.
The suite is empty because it was. A catastrophe.
After a second, Regan emerges from the bed room. A mattress sheet wrapped round her. She goes for the espresso and gulps a mug full. The espresso is ice chilly so she immediately opens her mouth and occasional spills throughout he chest.
REGAN: Shit. Fuck. (Her cellphone catches her eye. She seems at it.) Douchebag. (She makes a name. Into the cellphone. ) What?!… Why the fuck are you calling me one million instances? … It was on vibrate …I’m at Becky’s factor. I advised you we’d be out late … You exit each fucking Saturday along with your meathead pals and I am going out as soon as … ONCE within the final six months and also you give me shit for it … Uh huh .. Yeah … Nicely, I don’t care … since you’re an fool … Yeah … I TOLD you we’d be OUT late … (She see’s Joe’s bowl, She finds a lighter and takes successful. Into the cellphone.) You don’t care anyway… your residency my ass-fuck-face … No, I’m not smoking … I’m NOT SMOKING … I Fucking stop three years in the past .. for you .. and also you don’t belief me … thats what this comes right down to … You … you … CAN I SAY SOMETHING?! (Jeff enters from the bed room. He’s virtually dressed. He picks up a espresso as effectively. He spits it again into the cup. Into the cellphone) Can I say one factor at this juncture earlier than you begin performing like … LISTEN! In the event you can’t belief me, then I don’t know what the fucking level of me EVER leaving the home … I’ll simply bake a casserole after which lie round with my legs open till you’re feeling like … YOU ARE SUCH A BABY! … That’s silly … Nicely, I feel you’re silly … I’ll be house after I really feel like coming house … FINE! MAYBE I WILL! (She hangs up and tosses the cellphone away.)
The Final of the Purple Scorching Lovers By Neil Simon – Elaine’s Monologue- ‘You Hypocrite!’
Elaine:You hypocrite! You soul-searching, finger-smelling, hypocritical son of a bitch! Who’re you to inform anyone easy methods to undergo life? What would you’ve performed if I got here in right here all fluttery and blushing and ‘Ooh, Mr Cashman, don’t put your hand there, I’m a married girl’? Have been you going to inform me how a lot you respect me? rattling effectively tomorrow you’d be again behind that counter opening clams and praying to Christ I’d by no means come again in your restaurant. And you recognize one thing? That’s the way in which it must be. Forgive me for the horrible, sinful factor I’m about to say however I occur to love the pure bodily act of creating love. It warms me, it stimulates me and it makes me really feel like a girl – however that’s one other ugly story. That’s what I got here up right here for and that’s what you have been anticipating. However don’t give me, ‘Once I was 9 years outdated my mom ran off with the butcher and I’ve been searching for somebody to like me ever since.’ I don’t know your issues and I don’t care. Hold your savory swordfish succotash tales to your self. Nobody actually cares about something or anybody on this world besides himself, and there’s just one technique to get via along with your sanity. In the event you can’t style it, contact it or scent it, neglect it! If you need a replica of that speech, ship fifty cents and self-addressed envelope –
It’s getting late … and I’ve to feed the lion at six..
Don’t waste your time. We’re incompatible. You want Joan Fontaine and I want a field of lozenges.
THE CHERRY ORCHARD By Anton Chekhov- Lyuba Ranevsky Monologue, ‘Oh My Sins!’
“Oh, my sins…. I’ve at all times scattered cash about with out holding myself in, like a madwoman, and I married a person who made nothing however money owed. My husband died of champagne—he drank terribly—and to my misfortune, I fell in love with one other man and went off with him, and simply at the moment—it was my first punishment, a blow that hit me proper on the top—right here, within the river… my boy was drowned, and I went away, fairly away, by no means to return, by no means to see this river once more…I shut my eyes and ran with out pondering, however he ran after me… with out pity, with out respect. I purchased a villa close to Mentone as a result of he fell unwell there, and for 3 years I knew no relaxation both by day or evening; the sick man wore me out, and my soul dried up. And final yr, once they had bought the villa to pay my money owed, I went away to Paris, and there he robbed me of all I had and threw me over and went off with one other girl. I attempted to poison myself…. It was so foolish, so shameful…. And out of the blue I longed to be again in Russia, my very own land, with my little lady…. [Wipes her tears] Lord, Lord be merciful to me, forgive me my sins! Punish me no extra! [Takes a telegram out of her pocket] I had this to-day from Paris…. He begs my forgiveness, he implores me to return…. [Tears it up] Don’t I hear music? [Listens.]”
WOMEN OF MANHATTAN by John Patrick Shanley – Judy Monologue ‘I Will Dream On!’
Judy: I’ll! I’ll dream on. As a result of that’s precisely what I’m speaking about. My goals. Which you have no idea. And which you don’t assume are essential sufficient to know. Do you assume this physique is one thing? What a joke! Any nice poet the final three thousand years will inform you what a joke that’s! These things, this flesh, this heavy respiration … We’ve this aptitude in our hearts and brains and souls to reach at one thing so wealthy and infected and unspeakable and sacred and New! Not this drained shit you wish to foist on me. That’s not what I would like. I gained’t hand over my requirements! I do know what I do know. If I attempted to stay on the form of belongings you’re providing me, I’d starve to dying. You’ve bought to dig for treasure, Duke! Not accept the stuff simply mendacity out on the bottom. You would sleep with me if you happen to weren’t so god rattling lazy and narcissistic and have been prepared to exert your self a bit of and present some curiosity within the precise core of one other human being! However you’ll stay awake with me as a result of I cannot carry out a silly mechanical pantomime, like I used to be making an attempt and failing to recollect one thing fantastic, one thing from a greater world, one thing alien and exquisite and misplaced! What, you look vacant, don’t you get it? I’ll give it to you in a nutshell. I’ll give it to you in primary trendy American: I’m not within the {hardware} with out the software program. Look, let’s simply let this disintegrate, okay? Don’t hold round for the sake of neatness. I’ll get the examine. It was price that a lot to me to have my say.
The Significance of Being Earnest – Woman Bracknell
Monologue Size 2 Minutes
LADY BRACKNELL: Nicely, I have to say, Algernon, that I feel it’s excessive time that Mr. Bunbury made up his thoughts whether or not he was going to stay or die. This shilly-shallying with the query is absurd. Nor do I in any means approve of the trendy sympathy with invalids. I take into account it morbid. Sickness of any form is hardly a factor to be inspired in others. Well being is the first responsibility of life. I’m at all times telling that to your poor uncle, however he by no means appears to take a lot discover . . . so far as any enchancment in his ailment goes. Nicely, Algernon, after all if you’re obliged to be beside the bedside of Mr. Bunbury, I’ve nothing extra to say. However I might be a lot obliged if you happen to would ask Mr. Bunbury, from me, to be form sufficient to not have a relapse on Saturday, for I depend on you to rearrange my music for me. It’s my final reception, and one desires one thing that may encourage dialog, significantly on the finish of the season when each one has virtually mentioned no matter they needed to say, which, normally, was most likely not a lot.
A Matter of Husbands: The Well-known Actress’ Monologue
Monologue Size 4 Minutes
FAMOUS ACTRESS: It occurs to each actress who’s reasonably fairly and profitable. It’s one of many oldest expedients on this planet, and we actresses are such conspicuous targets for it! There may be scarcely a person related with the theater who doesn’t make use of us in that means a while or one other–authors, composers, scene designers, attorneys, orchestra leaders, even the managers themselves. To regain a spouse or sweetheart’s affections all they should do is invent a love affair with considered one of us. The spouse is at all times so able to imagine it. Often we don’t know a factor about it. However even when it is delivered to our discover we don’t thoughts a lot. No less than we’ve got the comfort of figuring out that we’re the means of creating many a wedding comfortable which could in any other case have ended within the divorce court docket. [With a gracious little laugh] There, pricey, you mustn’t apologize. You couldn’t know, after all. It appears so believable. You fancy your husband in an environment of perpetual temptation, in a backstage world full of lovely sirens with out scruples or morals. One actress, you suppose, is extra harmful than 100 unusual girls. You hate us and worry us. None understands that higher than your husband, who’s evidently a really crafty lawyer. And so he performs in your worry and jealousy to regain the love you deny him. He writes a letter and leaves it behind him on the desk. Belief a lawyer by no means to try this unintentionally. He orders flowers for me by phone within the morning and doubtless cancels the order the second he reaches his workplace. By the way in which, hasn’t he a lock of my hair? They bribe my hair-dresser to steal from me. It’s a surprise I’ve any hair left in any respect. And hasn’t he left any of my love letters mendacity round? Don’t be alarmed. I haven’t written him any. I may need if he had come to me frankly and mentioned: “I say, Sara, will you do one thing for me? My spouse and I aren’t getting on so effectively. Would you write me a passionate love letter that I can depart mendacity round at house the place she might discover it?” I ought to actually have performed it for him. I’d have written a letter that may have made you weep into your pillow for a fortnight. I wrote ten like that for a really eminent playwright as soon as. However he had no luck with them. His spouse was such a correct particular person she returned all of them to him unread.
Sensible Traces by Cindy Lou Johnson
Rosanna Monologue ‘Why didn’t you reply the door?!’
Loud Knocking on the Door
Rosannaapproaches the cabin door sporting a tattered marriage ceremony gown
(from exterior): ‘Good day! Is anybody there?? Let me in! Im in very critical hassle!’
Bursts via the door, notices Henry Harry standing inside his cabin, shocked.
Rosanna: ‘Why didn’t you reply the door?! I might’ve frozen to dying! My dying would have been in your fingers had that been the case! It’s one thing like 200 levels beneath on the market with wind chill and I’ve been strolling for over an hour. My automobile died, useless. I left it on the market, its most likely completely buried someplace within the snow. Someplace – do you thoughts if I’ve a drink?
Sighs, takes a drink.
‘Im almost frozen and I additionally could also be affected by frostbite of the extremities like my toes and fingers however I used to be in a position to maintain my fingers from falling off by sticking them in my armpits. I noticed that on a TV Film as soon as. There was this man and he was in a snowboarding accident, immobilized they usually have been taking perpetually to get him a stretcher or one thing and so he asks this stunning nurse who conveniently occurred to be there I imply she couldn’t do one thing as a result of he was freezing to dying however she caught his fingers in his armpits. That’s how she saved him! He fell in love along with her then and there they usually married later within the present. that is at all times the story of my life. I’ve to play all of the roles, I’ve to be the one in hassle and the nurse too, sticking my very own fingers in my very own armpits, saving myself. However the issue is you may’t stick your ft wherever you recognize not if you wish to maintain strolling.
Im sorry, do you thoughts if I simply –
Takes one other drink.
Sighs* Ohh, so – that is Alaska! Oh my lord, It’s tougher to imagine than I may even say that I’m a lot as alive. When my automobile died I might simply hear the wind, I might simply hear it and the snow was falling so quick and it was masking the windshield immediately, immediately ! And it was getting colder in there by the second and I simply thought, ‘Rosanna, that is it for you,’ you recognize I knew that if I stayed within the automobile I might go to sleep and I’d freeze and die and I knew if I bought out of the automobile with the wind and all that, then I might fall down and freeze and die. Freezing and dying was up there on the forefront of my mind of issues to contemplate however I assumed getting out, you recognize, strolling, there’s an opportunity. I imply a slim likelihood anyway however an opportunity so I bought out.
Fascinating factor about being on the verge of dying – you don’t take into consideration the great factors or the dangerous factors of life, you simply assume stay! And let there be somebody, a lightweight, some heat that’s all I assumed. After which I noticed your gentle, and now, right here I’m.
*Pause, takes one other drink, finishes the bottle.
I’ll pay for this. (small chuckle) Ive been on the highway for days, and days and days. I don’t even know after I bought in my automobile or the place Ive been all I do know is that each 5 hours, fuel, that’s been my system. Gasoline, pee, eat a sweet bar, drink a coke, just like the engine’s inside me and the automobile, and (notices a bag of pretzels, begins consuming them). Is it okay if I’ve a few of these pretzels? As a result of it’s nearly sweet bar time for me and I don’t see any sweet bars plus its most likely finest I lay off the sugar. Ive had nothing to eat however sugar for fairly some variety of days its low-cost power however eventually you gotta pay the piper in case of sugar, which I’m doing now. See my hand tremble, that could be a Mars bar tremble. Plus I haven’t slept in a number of days not that I didn’t strive thoughts you, I used to be awake, with a capital W. Like mendacity awake was what it was like. The hours handed and the highway form of bleared behind me. So I’m drained, and I’m hungry and the actual fact of the matter is, Im very soiled. Let’s name is spade to spade, I’m filthy and I’ve sweat an excessive amount of and this gown is a really shut match even in one of the best of circumstances and the reality is Im in ache, similar to horrible ache.
That’s the one cause why I might drink this so onerous and quick and it’s not like my muscular tissues however like inside my muscular tissues, my dna, my genes. Ya, I feel that should be it or my rna? Im unsure. I simply…
Ohhh, (Lets out a sigh,) Im sorry, its this horrible ache in my dna. Im dreadfully sorry Im extra sorry than I can say.
Takes a step ahead, grabs the chair, faints to the bottom.
Fade to black.
Choosing the Greatest Comedic Monologues
Attempt to go together with a monologue that matches your persona, to an extent. Sure, you’re purported to be performing, however to nail your audition, select one thing you may actually establish with. Any of those comedic monologues will slay within the audition room, irrespective of which you select. Good luck!
