Lady Does not Need to Drop Ex’s Final Title Whereas He Will get Remarried

A Reddit consumer just lately requested for recommendation on whether or not or not she was within the unsuitable for, as she described it, selecting to maintain her final identify from a previous marriage regardless of her ex-husband getting engaged once more.

In a submit on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?,” a consumer wrote that they’re a 56-year-old lady and shared an in depth account of how issues with their ex-husband went from “amicable” to hostile because of his and his new fiancé’s points concerning the poster deciding to maintain his identify.

“I divorced my husband two years in the past after 26 years of marriage. Now we have 4 youngsters, and the cut up was amicable. He got here out as homosexual, and we mutually agreed to half methods,” the girl wrote.

“Altering my identify wasn’t a precedence—updating IDs, authorized paperwork, and financial institution accounts can be an enormous trouble. I nonetheless use his final identify on official paperwork however go by my maiden identify socially,” she continued.

Following her ex-husband’s engagement to “a beautiful man,” the girl assumed that all the things was high quality between the trio, she wrote — however that’s when issues took a flip.

“Throughout my grandson’s celebration, my ex all of a sudden requested if I’d contemplate dropping his final identify. His fiancé chimed in, saying it makes him uncomfortable that I nonetheless use it,” the Reddit consumer recalled.

Shocked by the feedback and the couple’s response, the girl wrote she “awkwardly joked that until they need to spend hours in traces at varied authorities workplaces, I wasn’t going to vary it. My ex didn’t snicker. He insisted it’s about beginning a brand new chapter and desires me to ‘transfer on.’ ”

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The girl wrote that she left the “weird” scenario feeling confused and attacked on the sudden shift about preserving her final identify, which had “by no means been a difficulty” prior to now.

“And now they’re ganging up on me?” she wrote. “After the get together, my ex referred to as and argued that preserving his identify makes it laborious for his fiancé to really feel like they’re beginning a contemporary life. I countered that our youngsters nonetheless use the identical identify, and it could really feel unusual for me to be the odd one out.”

An even bigger problem was revealed, in keeping with the girl, when she discovered through her youngest son that her husband’s new fiancé “feels threatened by my identify, assuming I’m clinging to some declare on my ex.”

“I’ve made it clear I’ve zero curiosity in rekindling something, but it surely seems like I’m being pressured to erase part of my id,” she wrote. “My ex admitted his fiancé is uncomfortable as a result of he sees me preserving the identify as a ‘energy play.’ ”

The girl admitted to feeling as if she’s being backed right into a nook to unexpectedly decide she is uncomfortable with.

“I really feel like I’m caught between making an attempt to maintain peace and being compelled into one thing simply because his fiancé is insecure,” she wrote. “They need me to undergo the trouble of adjusting all the things for his or her consolation.”

She added: “I informed my ex that I’ll contemplate it later—possibly after they’re married and settled. However now, he’s livid, saying I’m being petty and egocentric.”

As for a way her kids really feel concerning the drama, the girl wrote that they “are divided,” with one for it and one in opposition to it.

Greater than 6,000 fellow Reddit customers crammed the feedback, with the overwhelming majority agreeing with the girl.

“In the event you change it you’ll all the time be pissed at him for forcing you and when you do not he should recover from it. Significantly stand your floor on this one,” one consumer wrote.

One other instructed that maybe the girl’s ex-husband take his fiancé’s final identify as soon as they’re married for a easy transition.

And a 3rd consumer commented that the girl is just not accountable for managing the emotions of her ex-husband’s fiancé.

What’s extra, this consumer wrote, “Plenty of girls maintain their final names after divorce for varied causes.”